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Martyred for the Gospel

Martyred for the Gospel
The burning of Tharchbishop of Cant. D. Tho. Cranmer in the town dich at Oxford, with his hand first thrust into the fyre, wherwith he subscribed before. [Click on the picture to see Cranmer's last words.]

Collect of the Day

The Fifth Sunday after the Epiphany.
The Collect.

O LORD, we beseech thee to keep thy Church and household continually in thy true religion; that they who do lean only upon the hope of thy heavenly grace may evermore be defended by thy mighty power; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Daily Bible Verse

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Calvinist Satire: Angry Arminians. | Defending. Contending.

Every now and then someone says something truly amusing and entertaining. My Calvinist friend from Texas has a ten gallon hat and a huge Colt .45 with black powder:

Ladies and gentlemen, atg decries the Gospel as an unfair “doctrinal litmus test” devised by men! Don’t we arrogant Caustic Calvinists know that Professor YHWH is a big ol’ sweetie pie like atg, not really all that jealous for His name and always grading on a generous curve? Furthermore, though Prof. God assigns none other than the Holy Spirit as personal tutor to all, gives copious notes, and all His exams are open-Book, correct answers on topics such as the Trinity, the Virgin Birth, the Incarnation, the Miracles, the Atonement, the Resurrection and the Doctrines of Grace are purely optional. Through the mystical magick of progressive sanctification, everyone who thinks he has passed, has indeed passed despite his beliefs about such trifles! All ya need is lurv, whatever that means to you – define it for yourself and trot it out whenever confronted by a Caustic Calvinist. Lurv is the only doctrine necessary for salvation, and anyone who says otherwise is arrogant, mean and unlurving.

T. D. Jakes and Roger Olson, for example, are our brothers in Christ. Their doctrine is a little spotty, but they’re amiable guys who LURV Jesus, like, a lot, so how dare we question their paths of progressive sanctification? What’s the difference between Alistair Begg and Aleister Crowley? NOTHING! Progressive sanctification and lurv trump stuffy ol’ doctrine every time! Praaaise JAAAY-Zeus!

Can I get an amen? Click here to see the comment and the article in question: Angry Arminians. | Defending. Contending.

Addendum: T.D. Jakes denies the trinity and is a Oneness Pentecostal. Do I need to say he's worse than an Arminian?


10 comments:

aztexan said...

It's situations like these that it's rage, cry or laugh. I chose to do a little of all three. :-)

Charlie J. Ray said...

I have posted several long posts over at the original article at Defcon. Whether anyone is willing to actually read what I said is another issue. atg is already calling it "a rant" and admitting that he didn't really read much of what I had to say.

Oh, well:)

aztexan said...

I was keeping up until yesterday. By the looks of my inbox you've been a busy Caustic Calvinist curmudgeon! I'll have to catch up shortly...after I pack a lunch...

Charlie J. Ray said...

I got banned shortly after the last post. Unfortunately they have a double standard. It's ok for them to slam Calvinists but not ok for a Calvinist to reason solely on the basis of Scripture. After all, you gotta have some sort of mystical encounter with the Holy Ghost that transcends Scripture! Of course, that's not Biblical Christianity. It is Anabaptist, pietist, existential or even neo-orthodox. But one thing it is not is Christian.

It's good to see Calvinists out there who see through the fake tolerance and love fest junk. It looks like you've been reading a little of Gordon H. Clark somewhere along the line??

May the peace of God be with you, brother.... I don't feel comfortable calling just anyone brother, Tex. But it seems to me that you have a firm understanding of the Gospel:)

Peace!

Charlie

aztexan said...

Uh-oh. I think we irritated Pilgrim just a tad. I, in particular, seem to have a knack for getting under the dear man's skin without even trying.

He has banned me from posting further, so now I won't be able to tell him that I largely agree with his assessment of Arminians: in short, I don't expect all truly regenerate folks to immediately possess an explicit knowledge of the Doctrines of Grace upon conversion; but I believe that the truly regenerate do have that knowledge innately through Scripture, the Holy Spirit and logical, common friggin' sense (a technical term coined, I believe, by Calvin, though I forget his original Latin and French); and I am convinced by Scripture and plain reason that the truly regenerate recognize, embrace and cherish the DoG's at such time as they are exposed to the explicit teaching, be it by preaching, reading or whatnot, all at once or a little at a time.

Conversely, responding to TULIP, election/reprobation, etc. with revulsion, anger/rage, denial and blasphemy, especially for a protracted or indefinite period of time - let us do make allowances for some brief and feeble resistance from the fallen flesh of many - is, in my estimation, a sure sign that this "Christian" is not yet truly born of God.

Anti-Calvinists (whom I've anathematized more than once on my blog and elsewhere - check Pilgrim's Caustic Calvinists post to see my sentiments quoted copiously throughout) are those "teachers" and "pastors" like the mental defective in the Angry Arminians clip who loudly and knowingly propagate - through intentional deceit, distortion, revisionism, Sunday school-level prooftexting, blasphemy of God, derision of the Gospel and slander of brethren living and dead - this accursed Armidiocy, this AIDS of the church visible. I disdain and curse those clowns because they are apostate. They are of their father the devil. They are wolves who devour.

The full flavor of my position is lost on Pilgrim and the sweetie pies of DefCon, of course; obviously they don't care to know what I really believe about the matter; they just want to trap me in their preconceptions and unload their talking points into me. They came loaded for grizzly, and when Papa Caustic poked his head outside the den for a look and a sniff, they sprung the ambush and pumped me fulla lead!

Ah, well. It is what it is, as the old tautology reminds us.

aztexan said...

Thanks for those kind words, brother! :-)

Damn the ecumenical love-in!

Charlie J. Ray said...

hahaha:) Don't make laugh:)

Well, in public I don't go around beating people over the head with my Geneva Study Bible.... But it feels good to every once in awhile beat these idiots to a pulp. They were complaining about "caustic" Calvinists so I used reason and logic. I guess logic and truth is "caustic" to a compromiser? Anabaptist are pietists who go with feeling over the intellect. They got more in common with Pentecostals than with Calvinists. Sometimes I wonder why they even want to be called Calvinists?

I went to a Reformation Society meeting organized through the Alliance for Confessing Evangelicals and it was mostly calvinistic Baptists. All they could talk about was the anointing of the Spirit and other such Pentecostal nonsense! I had to stop going.

Anyway, peace!

Charlie

Charlie J. Ray said...

Well, the truth is there does not need to be a crisis conversion of any kind. God can and does work gradually in the elect. In fact, I visited a Presbyterian church when I was around 11 or 12 for a period of time. I read the articles in the Encyclopedia Brittanica about Calvinism and supralapsarianism and infralapsarianism. So there was always in the back of my mind the Calvinist view of predestination and God's decrees. I kept seeing what Scripture said and comparing that with the Arminian spin I was hearing at the Pentecostal church when I was in my late twenties. Pentecostalism is fine if you are into prooftexting out of context with a pretext. haha. Reading experience into the text to make it say what it never said? But the Arminian explanation for Romans 9 is lame. Jacob and Esau are not individuals but tribes??? Please. That's only true where the names actually represent tribes in the OT. But Romans 9 never once mentions nations or tribes. It's speaking specifically about individuals. Pharaoh is not a metaphor for Egypt. He's an individual person in Romans 9. Moses is a person in that passage, too. It's ridiculous.

OK, I will confess that I don't think everyone who has been duped into Arminianism will be lost. Many of them will be called out effectually just as I was. But in my opinion Arminians are lost in general. They actually do teach false doctrine. Just watch that video with the professor from Asbury. Jerry Walls. I beat him at pool a few times in the student center. The guy may have a brilliant intellect but he couldn't hit the side pocket on a billiard table if you laid out cue sticks on both sides:)

I know it's a bit of an unpopular position but if Calvinism IS the Gospel then we need to stop cowering before the Arminians and tell them the truth.

Peace:)

Charlie J. Ray said...

I didn't see the link to your blog until today. Sorry about that. I hope you're not a Baptist. If so, sorry if I offended you. It's just that I'm more on the covenantal and sacramental side of things. Peace....

aztexan said...

No, I'm not Baptist. I am nondenom, but not in the disgustingly spineless and amorphous way of the nondenom trend of the past few decades; I hold to the Westminster Standards and the Three Forms of Unity.

And we are in agreement about the vast majority of the Arminian masses. :-)

Peace to you, by brother.

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